An Adoption Update & Opportunity to Give

We would like you all to meet our daughter, Selah Grace AnLi.  She is exquisite.  A bundle of curiosity and shyness.  A little girl who is beloved to many already.  And she has truly climbed her way right up into our hearts.  We are thrilled to share with you all that we received our Letter Seeking Confirmation (LSC or LOA) which was the confirmation from China agreeing for us to adopt this little girl.  We also just received our I-800 approval, giving us permission to bring her home to the United States.  We are quickly approaching our Travel Approval invitation from China in the next 6-8 weeks.  What an incredible year it has been going through the process of much prayer, paperwork, home studies, trainings, conferences, networking, blogging, and everything in-between to ready us for this moment of preparing to meet our daughter.  We are beyond thrilled and humbled to know that God called us to be this little girl's family, and that in a few short months, she will be home with us!  

When God called us to the ministry of adoption, He set our hearts upon these scriptures in light of the plight of over 150,000,000 orphans who are fatherless today in the world:

Eph. 1:5, "In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved."

Psalm 68:5, "Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation." 

In light of the adoptive love of our heavenly Father and the amazing truth that through the Gospel we have been adopted and grafted into His family forever, we received His calling to be adoptive parents to a fatherless child whom He cares for deeply.  He has called us to open our home and to be the forever family to this precious little girl from China named Selah Grace AnLi.  Her name's meaning is to "ponder grace in light of truth".  The story of adoption in all of our lives is a story of grace and truth in which we are blessed to ponder...and in doing so, we behold the work of Jesus Christ on our behalf to adopt us into His forever family.

We want to thank each and every one of you who have prayed, supported, and even given time/resources to help us in our efforts to bring her home.  We knew going into this process that we were being called to pay for as much of the adoption costs as possible with our savings, and yet we also knew that this was a step in faith in which God was calling us to trust Him to bring in the remainder of the money needed.  Going into this process, we knew that international adoptions are incredibly expensive.  There is no way to sugarcoat that.  Money is used for: agency fees, dossier preparation, immigration and visa fees, in-country orphanage and processing fees, as well as travel expenses to China, transportation costs in China, hotel bills, etc...

The adoption cost to bring our daughter home is approximately $32,000.  Through the Orphan Love Run, our yard sale, and generous donations of family and friends, the Lord has brought in $15,000 over this past year to provide for her to be adopted!!!  We are truly blown away and in awe of how He provides, and we trust Him with the small remainder of money that we still are in need of to travel to China.  Our goal to reach the amount needed to complete the orphanage donation to bring her home is $3,000.  This is a required donation by her orphanage to help care for the other orphans who are still waiting for families to adopt them.  As well, we will have the expense of post-placement home study fees that equal $2,000. 

So ... how can you help?  Below is a list of some things you can do:

- First and foremost, we ask that you lift us up in your thoughts and prayers. We pray that through this fundraising process, God will receive the glory for bringing this precious girl into our family.
- We humbly ask that you pray and consider whether you can give anything financially to support our remaining need.

We have no intention of pressuring people to give.  That decision is completely up to the giver. And we hope that none of you, our closest family and friends, are offended by us asking for your support.  If so, we extend our sincere apologies.  From our perspective, we feel that all of us can and should do more to take care of orphans.  Some of us are called to adopt.  Others can be included by giving or supporting those who are adopting.  Giving financially is a way that others can join us on this journey.  

We are using a fundraising website service called AdoptTogether.  Our personalized website is, www.adopttogether.com/sacredscribbles.  The neat thing about this website is that it allows people to give online, so it is very simple.  Also, all giving is tax deductible.  (The website currently reflects an $8,000 need, but we have a promised donation amount equaling $3,000 that is not yet reflected on our profile.  Therefore, our actual current need is $5,000.) 

We also have a blog with updates about our adoption and our family that we would love for you to follow!  Our blog address is www.sacredscribbles.blogspot.com  We plan on updating it much more frequently as travel approaches and while we are in China.  

Thank you so much for praying and considering being a part of helping to bring Selah home!  Please enjoy this video of pictures of Selah in China and our family awaiting her arrival!  Much love to you all!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLiN6bK1QcE&feature=em-upload_owner

The Greatest Mother's Day Gift

Tonight for Mother's Day, I got to order a care package for our daughter in China.  This care package included several little special things such as our pictures, a panda stuffed animal, and a blanket.  But the one part of this experience that is leaving the greatest impact on my heart tonight is a letter that we got to write to her.  These are our first words to our daughter.  We are overwhelmed with love, gratitude, and humility in that God saw fit to give her to us and us to her.  I wanted to share the words we wrote to her on here to give a glimpse into the windows of our hearts for this precious child.  This has been the most wonderful Mother's Day I have ever experienced.  I have been so blessed to be the mother of two incredible little boys as well as an amazing daughter I have yet to meet.  They are all beautiful, all adored, and all cherished gifts from God.  I continue to be amazed at the blessing of being called to adopt, and that the journey to Selah's heart has been nothing short of the word grace.

Dear An Li Xi,

We are so excited to meet you!  This past year, we have prepared to bring you home, and we will get to hug you and talk to you very soon!  You have a Mommy, Daddy, big brother named Bryson, and a little brother named Lincoln just waiting to meet you!  We are giving you the name “Selah Grace AnLi Swain” which means “to ponder grace in light of truth”.  We love your name.  You are loved and cared for so much.  We got to see your pictures, and we can tell that you are loved and cared for well in your social welfare institute.  You are the most beautiful little girl we have ever seen!  We think about you all the time, and we wonder what your favorite toy, color, food, and games are!  We read that you like the outdoors, and we can’t wait to take you on hikes, to the park, and to go swimming one day!  We are making you a room with pink owls and pretty white furniture.  We have a doll for you, and many books and toys that we know you will love.

We have two boys whom we love very much, and we know that we have much more love to give another child!  YOU!  As we began to search for you, we knew there was a little girl out there who needed parents to love her, and we are honored that we get to be your parents. We have searched for you and chosen you as our daughter.  You were loved before we knew who you were.  We will always love you.  There is nothing that you can do to change our love for you.

When we hold you in our arms for the first time, we know that it may be a difficult time for you to adjust to leaving all that you know.  But we want you to know that we will comfort you and stay by your side as you feel sad and upset.  We know that you will miss your foster family and friends who live in China, and we always want to honor them and remember them as such special people in your life.  They have cared for you and loved you during the first years of your life, and they will always hold a special place in your heart as well as ours’.   

May you hold this blanket and hug this panda bear to remember that we will be with you soon.  Through all the seasons of life you face, we will be by your side as your forever family, Selah.  You are beloved, you are dear, you are ours’.  We are coming for you!!!  We are so excited to meet you, to give you a big hug, and to show you how much we love you everyday.  You are cherished, adored, and we delight in you!  You are our daughter. 

With much love,

Mommy and Daddy

To An Li Xi’s caregivers: We would like to know the names of the people who have cared for her, any of her close friends, and any other information that could be special for her to know in the future as she grows older.  Also, we would like if you could take pictures with her foster family/caregivers/close friends for her life book with this camera.  We would appreciate this so much, for this will assist us with helping Selah as she grows older and has many questions about her past.  Thank you for loving our little girl so much!

Human to the Fullest

A close encounter with adoptee, George Dennehy, last year at Summit 9 completely changed our lives forever.  We were attending the annual adoption conference in hope and anticipation that God would reveal His call upon our family in what direction to take with caring for orphans.  We had known for years He was calling us, but what that specifically looked like was still being made known to us slowly but surely.

An incredible moment of brokenness, clarity, and ultimately receiving His call on our lives to adopt a special needs child internationally was undeniable once we heard the testimony of this remarkable individual.  He gave a voice to the voiceless.  He spoke on behalf of millions of fatherless children who wait right now for a family of their own.  You will be changed too from his words.  This video is a snapshot into his life:

(For mobile devices, go to this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rztYMMhMT2Y)

"In Romania, at least at the time when I was born, when you were born with a "deformity", it umm...it was considered a curse from God.  I was kind of distanced, and not treated right, and kind of not getting any care that a normal baby should.  Which is why when I was one and a half years old, I weighed nine pounds.  It was rough my first year of life, but I lived.  No matter where you were before, it's like, where you can be now, your past does not define that.  This family has proven that, and it's just like, you have a dying boy in Romania, or starving kids from Africa, and you bring them to a place where they can be, I guess, human to the fullest.  And that is generous, a generous thing.  Family is everything." -George Dennehy

This is why we are called to adopt.  Jesus died to give us life, and to give it abundantly.  We are instruments of His grace.  May He use us to help children discover how to be human to the fullest...to truly live!

Brokenness + 4:37 am + Bills Donuts + Grace

It is 4:37 am on a Friday morning, and I am at Bill's Donuts. For those of you who know me well, no need to worry. I am not sitting here with multiple donuts, let alone one donut. Instead, I have chosen this location to pour my heart out in writing over a cup of coffee solely for the smell. It is like coming home. It reminds me of a time in my life as a child when I felt the closest to people. When I loved without inhibition. When my heart felt safe and protected. When I knew very little about the fallenness of man and sin.

Today, I sit in this local favorite donut shop with a heavy heart. I am broken, I will admit it. I am that fallen soul, in desperate need for intervention. I am that heart crying out to a God who cares. I am deeply aware of my need for grace, and yet my flesh's tendency to still try to do this thing called life on my own. In the recesses of my heart, I know that there is something deeply broken within me. Parts of my ugliness that are unloveable, untouchable. Places that no one wants to enter into...no one except One.

I am reminded of a Puritan prayer in moments like these that take me back to the cross. It takes me back every time that His way for me is not the easiest way. It isn't the pain free route. But it is the only path that leads to true healing and lasting change. It is the valley of vision.

"Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly,

Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,

Where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights;

Hemmed in by mountains of sin

I behold Thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox

That the way down is the way up,

That to be low is to be high,

That the broken heart is the healed heart,

That the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,

That the repenting soul is the victorious soul,

That to have nothing is to possess all,

That to bear the cross is to wear the crown,

That to give is to receive,

That the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,

And the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;

Let me find thy light in my darkness,

Thy life in my death,

Thy joy in my sorrow,

Thy grace in my sin,

Thy riches in my poverty,

Thy glory in my valley."

("The Valley of Vision" from A Collection of Puritan Prayers)

There is always more room at the foot of the cross. Who will enter into my brokenness? Will anyone dare go to the places that most avoid in this wretched heart? Jesus will. In my times of feeling deeply misunderstood, unknown, and at times falsely accused, I know that there is always room here. In many ways, the 24-hour availability of Bill's Donuts and it's free smells take me back to the uninhibiting grace of God. Christ died a brutal death for this grace to be mine, so it was anything but free. But this gift that cost so much frees me. It enters into the darkness and bears light. It brings forth a response of falling to my knees, on my face, before a holy yet loving God. It always initiates.  It is always available. It never avoids. Grace has taught me who I want to be through Christ, and who I already am in Christ.

Isaiah 45:5-9 promises us that God creates calamity, but He also heals us. "I am the LORD, and there is no other, besides me there is no God; I equip you, though you do not know me, that people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am the LORD, and there is no other. I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the LORD, who does all these things. Shower, O heavens, from above, and let the clouds rain down righteousness; let the earth open, that salvation and righteousness may bear fruit; let the earth cause them both to sprout; I the LORD have created it. Woe to him who strives with him who formed him, a pot among earthen pots! Does the clay say to him who forms it, 'What are you making?' or 'Your work has no handles'?" I often resist calamity. I don't want to endure the pain and suffering that often is God's cup for me. Sometimes I want to run and hide. And then my eyes return to the third verse in this chapter of Isaiah, "I will give you the treasures of darkness and the hoards in secret places, that you may know that it is I, the LORD, the God of Israel, who call you by your name." (Isaiah 45:3) In these precious words, we realize that there are treasures in darkness. That there is a gift in suffering that can only be received when we are undone. It is best to remain. It is most profitable to endure hardships with God's help.

2 Cor. 4:6-12, 16-18 also holds the promise that there is a faithful intention of God in and through our brokenness. "But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you... So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

Our daughter will be broken. She will at times wonder if anyone wants to enter into her pain. She will long for a Love that will go the distance for her when it seems like all earthly love has failed her. We will point her to the One Who will. He moved heaven and earth to be with her, to carry her burdens, and to heal her heart. I have to admit in moments like this morning at 4:37 am sitting in the best donut shop on earth, my heart feels nearer to this child in China than ever before. I get it. I understand how she feels, and I want to enter into these areas of her heart even now in prayer. The treasure of Christ in my jar of clay heart is hope. True hope. My prayer is that this hope will be her's as well one day.  That this precious grace would come through Christ into her brokenness, to redeem and heal what is broken as He has been so faithful to do in mine.  Sweet Selah, there is always grace.  Always.

Match Made in Heaven

We have waited over 9 months to say these words...we are MATCHED!!!  We laid eyes on our daughter, Selah Grace AnLi, for the first time on February 24, 2014 when our agency sent us her profile to review.  They say that you just "know".  I get it now.  Her big, beautiful, brown eyes looked right into our hearts.  God gave me instant affections for her, and my mama heart just knew that she was ours'.  Looking at her picture was like coming home.  

We got the news today that we have been officially "locked" in the database by CCCWA with AnLi's file.  What an incredibly overwhelming feeling!  It was in this moment that we realized we are truly pursuing this child with reckless abandon.  It just feels amazing to pursue her in the way God has called us to...to be her family for life!!!  The next step in the process is to wait on our Letter Seeking Confirmation (LSC) which will be our next huge step towards having our daughter in our arms.  It has been incredible to contemplate how God used many different things to bring this little girl to us.  There were different delays and "pauses" that happened over the last nine months to bring us to the "ready" place when she was "ready".  This is how God orchestrates bringing families together through adoption.  Before one day came to be, He knew it all.  It is all grace.  Once again, I am taken back to Psalm 139 in all of its splendor.  "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.  How precious to me are your thoughts, God!  How vast is the sum of them!  Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand--when I awake, I am still with you."  (Psalm 139:13-18)  This match was truly made in heaven, before one of our days came to be.    

There is so much to share about this incredible little girl, and yet we have to wait to disclose details until we receive our Letter of Approval from China (LOA).  At that point, we will be able to share her location, pictures, etc to our hearts' content!!!  In the meantime, it has been so sweet to watch our boys really begin to bond with their sister.  From putting their "Sissy" doll in a car seat, to taking her for a ride in their toy airplane, to Bryson begging to watch the slideshow of her pictures everyday, it has been such a beautiful process to watch them long for her as we do!  Here is a sneak peek into a conversation I had with Bryson last week over lunch:

Bryson: "I want to watch sissy."

I think, of course! Even if he wants to watch a slide show of her pics during lunch, I don't want to discourage any step in bonding that is attempted.

Me: "Ok! You can watch Selah's video."

Bryson sits mesmerized by each picture, intermittently exclaiming, "That's MY sissy!!!" with a big smile on his face.

Me: "Yep buddy, Selah is your sissy."

Bryson: "Mom, you go get sissy. I stay with Nanny and Pop."

I think things are starting to connect.

Me: "Daddy and I will go in a plane to China to get sissy Selah, and you will be with Nanny and Pop. But it will be awhile until we get to do that."

Bryson picks up the iPhone playing the video.

Bryson: "Sissy, come home."

And then he kissed her picture on the screen.

These are the beautiful moments that will get us through this time of waiting to be with our sweetpea across the sea.  

In the meantime, we have a range of emotions moment-by-moment.  Everything from excitement of being one step closer, to grief of not being able to hold her and comfort her, to everything in-between.  This song called "Amos Story" helps to put into words where we are right now emotionally in the wait.  Please continue to pray for our family as we are on this journey to Selah!

(For mobile devices, go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4eZybIXpm8)

Beholding the Cheerios less and the Cross more

I have read several mommy blogs recently that have completely "gotten" me.  Like in a REAL way.  They describe my day to a "t": the good, the difficult, the in-between.  Many of these blogs have gone into details such as the day-to-day ritual of wiping up crumbs on the floor that seems to take an hour per meal...helping toddlers use the potty...responding to the needs of my little one wanting to be held all.the.time.  Yes, I get it.  I am right there with you.  But some of these blogs have left me feeling...unsettled.  I think we are missing something.  I think we are missing the bigger picture.  I think there is so much more for us in motherhood than just recounting a list of all the things that were expected of us that day.  There is a greater focus than the one that gets through the day repeating to ourselves, "I am laying down my life for Christ."  This calling is about so much more than our service, our works, our feats for our children...it is about so much more than us laying our lives down.  Are we truly created to behold our lives again, and again, and again with every wiping of the nose and every vacuuming up of the Cheerios???  The more I focus on these things, the more I find myself bitter, defeated, and sometimes literally pulling myself out of bed in the morning against every fiber of my selfish tendency to want to sleep just five more minutes.  The more I behold my martyrdom of motherhood, the more I resent anyone needing anything from me.  I don't know about others, but I know that my flesh feeds on inward thinking that somehow my life is harder than anyone else's.  There are days when I am sure if pity was ice cream, I ate about five bowls worth by nap time.

In the midst of this, there is Good News.  I do believe there is more to behold.  While being a mom is hard work, there is One Who came to this earth Who did the ultimate work.  Jesus.  He came to do for us what we could never do for ourselves.  He lived a life of humbly serving and loving His enemies...He died a death that He did not deserve to bring us into His grace...He is and has always been in the business of redeeming His beloved church.  We are His.  And I believe that freedom in Christ in any area, but especially in how it relates to motherhood, is found in beholding this incredible Savior again, and again, and again.  Instead of how hard we are working to keep our homes and families in running order, let us contemplate THE work done that allowed our hearts to change and be in "running order" in the first place.  Instead of exalting the service we do in laying our lives down for our children, let us exalt THE One who was the perfect example of a servant in laying His life down.  Like I shared earlier, this calling is about so much more than our service, our works, our feats for our children...it is about Christ and how He laid His life down for us.  

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, LOOKING TO JESUS, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted."  (Hebrews 12:1-3)  Sisters in Christ, this is where our freedom lies.  Without beholding HIS work, we will feel as though the cup He has called us to in motherhood is unbearable.  We will be super frustrated and angry.  When tempted to glorify our jobs as stay-at-home moms as the hardest job, let us remember what we were spared on the cross.  Christ took all of what we deserved upon Himself.  He did for us what we were helpless and hopeless to do for ourselves.

I don't share any of this to discount or dismiss the real struggles and sacrifices that we are called to everyday as parents.  But what I am doing is inviting us to behold the earthly struggle of Christ who was crucified and overcame the grave to give us LIFE.  I am inviting you to behold the ultimate sacrifice.  I am far from getting it.  I long to behold Him more and more everyday, and yet I fail at it often.  And yet, I know in my heart that the only freedom we have from resentment of the cup given to us is to look to Christ who keeps pouring, and pouring, and pouring again.  As we behold Him more and more, we behold the difficulties of our lives less and less.

Blessed

We captured some moments this weekend on camera of Bryson at 3.5 years old and Lincoln at 1.5 years old.  We are so blessed.  We will let the pictures do the talking this time. ;)

Bryson 3.5 years

Lincoln 1.5 years

Eyes to See

I have been inspired to write once again tonight.  For years, I was a fervent writer.  There were nights when I would wake up at 3 am, and I just had to get a pen and paper to scribble out whatever the Lord was impressing upon my heart.  It's been many years since I have really been impressed in my heart to write in such ways.  Our adoption journey has truly spurred my heart back to the pen.  Tonight is one of those nights.

I read a post from a college friend on facebook today, and it was one of those times when God spoke to my heart and changed it.  Effectual change.  Spiritual refinement. Perpetual santification.  Being made new.  The Word describes it as "we with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another".  (2 Corinthians 3:18)  He brings me to these sweet times of beholding Him in His glory, and hence, I am transformed more and more into His likeness by His grace.

What my friend shared was, "I believe in Christianity as I believe the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."  A Gospel lens.  As Christians, we don't have mere eyes.  Just as the sun gives our eyes light to see the world around us, so does the Gospel give light to our eyes to see the world through Christ's eyes.  "For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, has shined in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." (2 Corinthians 4:6)

These truths explain why we are adopting a child with special needs from China.  If we merely were seeing the world through our own lens, we would not be making this choice in and of ourselves.  But as my friend shared, because by the Light that we see everything in this world, we cannot close our eyes to the orphan.  We cannot get the image out of our minds of hundreds of thousands of children waiting right now in Chinese orphanages for a family.  We are flooded with reminders of what God has done for us.  We are adopted by God, adopted in His love, adopted for good.  (Galatians 4:4-7)  Nothing can separate us from His love. (Romans 8:38-39)  He is the Father to the fatherless.  (Psalm 68:5)  And in the same way, He has called us as adoptees to adopt.  He promised us in John 14 that He would not leave us as orphans, that He would come to us.  This is the lens in which we see the world.  And He has been faithful to call us to speak this same promise to our daughter across the sea, "We will not leave you as an orphan.  We will come to you."

And yet we will not just offer ourselves to her, but we come with much, much more.  We come to her with the message of a Father Who will never leave her nor forsake her.  (Joshua 1:5)  A Healer Who makes beauty out of ashes, Who gives gladness instead of mourning, Who binds up the brokenhearted.  (Isaiah 61:1-4)  A Savior Who laid down His life as a ransom for her own.  (Mark 10:45)  Who died to give her heart peace.  (John 14:27)  Who has promised to make all things new!!!  (Revelation 21:1-5)  We have been summoned, we have been called by name.  He is calling us to carry His Light into the ends of the earth.  (Matt. 5:14-16, Matt.28:18-20)  Through our journey of adoption, God is manifesting His purposes of using our little family for His Kingdom.  We are merely His vessels who have been given His eyes to see the plight of the orphan in such a way that has evoked a response.  He is the Author of this story.  This is why we are adopting a beautifully created and beloved little girl from China.

We wanted to share a message from one of our pastors at Apex who also was called to adopt a child from Ethiopia.  Much of what he shared goes deeper into what I have written above, especially about our call as believers to lives of adoption:  http://vimeo.com/78945476

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from the Swains!!! We have been beyond blessed this year. As we take time to reflect on the incredible ways God has shown us His love and grace, we just want to share some of the highlights from this past year!

We have been reminded of how gracious Jesus has been to us this year.  God has used the highs and lows in our family for His glory to share the Gospel, and in the midst of it all, He has continued to be so kind and loving to us.  We know that He intends all for our good.  We have rested in the midst of many unknowns that He is our Source. 

We celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary this month, and we continue to be reminded daily of the precious gift He gave us in one another. God continues to use marriage in this beautiful refining way to show us that our deepest need is for Christ.  We are cherishing the days He has given us together!

Ben has been enjoying his job as a Senior Engineer II in the water engineering planning bureau in the Department of Water for the City of Dayton.  He has been leading the implementation of asset management for the Department, and has taken a lead role in preparing a proposal to take over the water and sanitary systems for Wright-Patterson Air Force Base.  He is learning a lot of new things, and working with a lot of great people.  His job has continued to be an incredible blessing to our family.

I enjoy staying home with our boys. I have loved seeing little windows of learning unlock in their minds, and how quickly they are growing has reminded me daily to cherish these little years that will truly be gone so fast! One of my favorite ways to spend our time is with other mothers and their little ones at play dates. I have an incredible group of friends who share life with me, and their children have become Bryson and Lincoln's best friends! I am really looking forward to gathering with several of these moms this coming year for Bible study together. Close friends who want to study the Bible and discuss real life??? My heartbeat!

Bryson turned three years old this summer, and he began preschool this year which he loves so much! He is thriving there. He also played on his first indoor soccer team, fell in love with the log ride at Kings Island, and enjoys anything that calls for creativity and innovation. We think he may be our little engineer! Puzzles and crafts are some of his favorite things to do, but of course, trains, planes, and trucks are always a hit! It is an understatement to say that he has brought incredible joy into our lives!

Lincoln turned one year old this summer, and he is our little bubba brute! He is everywhere, into everything, and fears nothing! He keeps us on our toes, and we truly adore his laughter, expressions, and adventurous spirit so much! He has really taken off with talking too, we love his little baby chatter! He has really enjoyed 1:1 time with Mommy while Bryson is in preschool, but he loves playtime with his brother too! He runs to the door when Daddy comes home with arms wide open! He has developed a love for books, balls, and anything "techie" like remote controls, cell phones, and anything else that is off limits for a baby. Did we mention he keeps us on our toes??? ;)

Probably the biggest change in our lives this year has been our receiving of God's call to adopt a little girl from China. We have completed our home study and all of our paperwork, and we are now waiting for the file of a special little sweetpea who we will be matched with! We will definitely keep you posted as we progress through this process. Our blog is a good way to stay updated! We have been so blessed to have received the support and love from so many family and friends through our adoption journey.  Below is a song that Ben downloaded for me this year for Christmas.  There were many tears in listening to it, for it is like the fingerprint of our hearts for our daughter in China this Christmas.  (Here is the link for mobile devices: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy8RW6aHXWQ )

One incredible experience we had a few months ago was hosting the first annual "Orphan Love Run" at our church to advocate for orphans worldwide, as well as to help raise funds to bring our daughter home. It was a 5K benefit, and we truly were blown away by the family and friends who came out to support us in these efforts! God truly does take care of the orphan, and this was a sweet reminder of that truth! We still have a financial need for the travel to pick up our daughter, as well as a small portion of the donation given to her orphanage to help care for the orphans remaining there. If anyone else would like to give towards our adoption need, a tax deductible donation can be made at: https://www.adopttogether.org/sacredscribbles. We appreciate all of you so much, and prayer for us and our daughter is the greatest gift of all!

Please keep us updated on your lives too! We hope you all enjoy this Christmas, and may it stir our hearts with wonder and beholding of Jesus Christ who came to seek and save the lost!  Much love to all of you from the Swains!

"And the angel said to them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord." (Luke 2:10-11)

Beautiful Tapestry

Early on during my first pregnancy, God flung my heart into Psalm 139 with a vengeance. He wanted my soul anchored to the truth that my children were formed and knitted together in my womb by a Creator Who doesn't make mistakes. Not one part of who this life within me was to become was outside of the sovereign hand of He Who fashioned him. Every one of his days were counted before one came to be. These truths have been etched upon my heart through the last four years of pregnancies, parenting, and our adoption journey today. He has continued to be so sweet to remind me why Psalm 139 is my anchor especially through the life of our oldest son, Bryson. 

Psalm 139:1-18: "O Lord, you have searched me and known me!  You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.  You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.  Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.  You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.  Where shall I go from your Spirit?   Or where shall I flee from your presence?   If I ascend to heaven, you are there!  If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!  If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.  If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.  For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.   My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.   Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.  How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!   How vast is the sum of them!  If I would count them, they are more than the sand.   I awake, and I am still with you."

I have been avoiding writing on our blog for a few months. Not out of shame or wanting to hide, but more because of how sharing some of the deepest struggles in one's life can fillet the heart wide open. But through the power of Christ, we are choosing to share our family's full story. We will not hide the beautiful tapestry He is creating even in the midst of various trials. But just know that this moment has been one truly prayed over and courageously embraced by the grace of God.


His cup for us is different than what we would have imagined it would be. We knew early on that Bryson had some challenges with his speech, and we pursued speech therapy which eventually led to an awareness that he was also facing some sensory processing needs as well. For about 6 months, we were in weekly speech and occupational therapy appointments to help work with Bryson on some of the struggles he was facing. Over that period of time, he was continuing to show need for further help and was not making the progress his therapists were hoping to see. So after much prayer and wise counsel, we decided to see a Developmental Pediatrician at Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, Ohio.

It was through hours of assessments, interviews, history review, and evaluations this September that Bryson was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. This is one of those moments as a parent that you can't sugarcoat. These are the moments when life is hard and we are either going to see reality through the lens of the Gospel, or we are going to see it through the lens of despair. By God's grace, Psalm 139 was already our anchor. "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb." These beautiful truths within flooded my heart as I heard this word that threatened to be bigger. But it isn't. And it never will be. Because Autism does not define our son. God does. His love and fine intended handiwork in creating every little neuron from the top of his head to the tip of his toes was done exactly as God intended. No mistakes. "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." 

Bryson's needs in these areas can be very subtle. He has challenges, but to those who don't know us well, these may not even be very apparent. The team who worked with us at Nationwide Children's as well as his team of teachers and therapists at his preschool seem to think that he may even one day not have some of these challenges. That he could learn tools to handle sensory input differently over time. We look forward to walking with him through this, teaching him slowly, taking one step at a time. However, as we pursue therapies and interventions to best meet his needs, we want him to be who he is. We adore him in all of his ways, his quirks, what makes him tick. He is our delight.

Bryson is exquisite.   He is joy.  He has taught us so much about unconditional love.  He loves to explore.  He is innovative and so creative.  His excitement and zeal for life cannot be contained. His heart for others is endless.  He can charm the socks off just about anybody.   There is much to be unlocked in that little mind and spirit.  He is our little "us".  Autism does not define him.  Nor is he defined by what he cannot do and may never do.  Autism may explain some of the struggles he faces with processing speech and sensory input, but it surely does not define him.   It is merely one part of who he is, a beautiful tapestry of unique and incredible qualities that make him Bryson. "My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth."


Do we have hard days? Yes. Are there times when I am moment-by-moment clinging to God's Word to

remind me of what He promised in Psalm 139? Yes. Are there days when I am angry at God and ask Him why? Yes. Are there times when I just wish that God's cup for us was easier? Yes. But are there also days that I embrace this cup, and truly would not change one thing even if I could? Yes. These are the range of emotions and thoughts a mother experiences when discovering that her precious child is facing some of the hurdles that our son is destined to experience. "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."

We are reminded through this season with Bryson that we live in a fallen and broken world. Things are not as they should be. But God came to redeem us out of that brokenness. Jesus came to ultimately restore and to make all things new. This we pray He will do not only in the heart of our sons, but also in the life of our daughter. For she is now an orphan, but this too does not define her. She is defined by God, her Maker and Sustainer. And she too will have some hurdles and challenges as a child with special needs who spent her first year or so of life in an orphanage. She will also face the struggles with identity, belonging, and grieving the loss of her birth parents. She will have many hurdles. And I know there are some of you who may be concerned for us. Could this be too much for us? Do we have what it takes to meet the needs of our children? This is the good news. God has created the tapestry of our family by His love. Do we have what it takes? No. But He does. We rest in His plan and what He has called our family to be. Our daughter is not a broken child being brought into a perfect unbroken family. No. She is coming home to a place where the people within will share in her brokenness. We will journey with her, all of us imperfect and all of us reminded through different challenges our need for a Redeemer to make things right. We are a beautiful tapestry fashioned in His design. We wouldn't want it any other way.

There is a song by Daniel Doss Band called "Stained Glass Windows" that I am going to share below.  This song is such a beautiful picture of the work that God is doing in our family to take our many shapes, colors, needs, and gifts to make a tapestry displaying His love. One of my favorite lines in this song is, "When the light shines through, the colors form a tapestry. 100 different images of how You keep loving me." Jesus, thank you for loving us so much to give us this cup. Thank you for entrusting these beautiful, precious children into our care. Thank you for refining us in the ways you see fit. Thank You for how you display Your glory through the broken, through your beloved. We are Your's. Amen.

(For mobile devices, you can go to this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piWcIRtsnhU )

Selah Grace

As you read through the Psalms, a word appears that is not familiar to us...Selah.  It means to stop and ponder.  The writers of the Psalms wanted us to really stop and consider what was being shared.

Selah Grace, Ponder Grace.  That is the name that God has placed on our hearts for our daughter.  It is the identity that she will need to carry with her as she discovers who she is, and who God has called her to be.

The word grace goes as deep and as wide as the love of our God.  I'm not sure that we can fully define it, describe it, grasp it.  We have much to ponder.  But specifically for our daughter, we want her name to always be a reminder of what is true and good in this world...His grace.  And we hope for her to never cease in reflecting upon it.  There are so many reasons she will be given to doubt...so much loss, uncertainty, and pain.  For her, there will be a lifetime of moving forward into a future that she most likely would not have picked for herself.  A life spent apart from her birth parents and being raised by another family.  And yet by His grace, her heart can be fully restored and healed through the love of Christ.  And by His grace, and only by His grace, can we offer her a safe place to walk through questions and grief, and to receive the love we have for her as our daughter.  We will not be able to fix it for her.  But grace will help some of it to make sense to all of us as we walk through the journey together.  It will only be by stopping to consider God's grace in her life that she will find healing, hope, peace, and love.  The loss of her birth parents, the home she was born into, and so many things that are tied to who she is will leave her struggling to understand her place in the world.  By resting in God's grace, she can find peace in knowing that before she even entered into this world, that she had a Heavenly Father who loved her, cared for her, and brought her to a family whom He has made her own.  Remembering that grace will help her piece together the story that God is writing for her life, and find hope in the life that God continues to create for her.

Her name is a reminder for us too.  God has invited us to stop and remember His grace that has brought this beautiful little girl into our lives.  She didn't enter into this world as ours, yet God saw fit to make her ours as much as our boys.  He invited us into her story, and His grace is writing our stories into one.  It is moments like tonight when our daughter is on our hearts in such a way, that we are overcome by the adoptive love of our heavenly Father.  He took us in, He grafted us into the family of God for eternity.  But even before He took us in, He called us by name and called us His own.  He set His love upon us before the foundations of the earth.  And this is the work He is doing in our hearts for our daughter...Selah Grace.  We call her by name, we call her our own, our love has been set upon her many years before she was even born.  We will take her in, and she will be grafted into our family forever.  We are humbled that God has seen fit to bless our family with such a gift as this little girl.  May we always be reminded to ponder the grace that has brought her to us.  We have shared with many loved ones through this process that we have a daughter just as much as we have two sons...we just haven't met her yet.  She is our child, in the deepest sense.  We know this to be true.  Oh the sweet, sweet day when we get to see her for the first time.  Our hearts swell just thinking about it.

Selah Grace, our daughter that we can't wait to meet.  Our lives have already been touched by you, little one.  Our prayer for you is that you may come to know His grace through the loss and through the gain.  That you would one day know that His grace has been upon you always, even in times when you felt alone and without hope.  May you always know that you are held by the Almighty.  That His grace sustains you.  Selah Grace, sweet child, Selah Grace.

Listen by Carissa Woodwyk

This was an amazing talk shared at the Summit 9 Conference.  A powerful reminder that everyone who is adopted has a story to tell.



Listen by Carissa Woodwyk from Tapestry on Vimeo.

Follow Me

Imagine being one of the disciples that Jesus called to follow Him.  He said "follow Me"... and through this call, they were given power to lay down their lives and follow.  This moment in time changed their lives and the world.  Throughout Scripture, God gives countless examples of how He invites us to be a part of a bigger story.  His story.  It isn't always easy, it rarely includes white picket fences.  It is a story filled with many unknowns and only one guarantee...He is with us through it all.  But God wants us to enjoy something far better than easy.  Something that surpasses the perception of guarantees.  Something that is more radical than playing it safe in the realm of knowns.  He has invited us to be a part of His story, and that's the greatest story of all.

The moment we were called to adopt a child from China was one of these moments.  It was an invitation for our family to be a part of God's story in the life of an orphan.  We had been praying about it for a long time.  But actually receiving the call from God to move forward with it was a moment we knew would change our lives forever...and that God would change many others' lives as well.  So many of us want to stick with the safe decisions...the ones that lead to a place of comfort, ease, and control.  We want to know the outcome, and we want it to conform with the life we always pictured.  Often times God uses something to change our hearts to direct them towards His course for us, and it rocks our world.  However, it is a gift and adventure to have our world rocked by God's plan.  

While we haven't traveled very far down this road of adoption, we have been so blessed by the unexpected.  Our view of the world has changed.  We have met wonderful new people.  Our eyes have been opened to a world full of children without the basics...a family.  We feel invited into a story bigger than the one that maybe we would have designed for ourselves.  It is a great adventure, though we are aware that many unknowns lie ahead.  We sometimes ask the question, "Do we know what we are getting into?", but I think if we did we may have been too scared to follow.  But our faith is in a God Who is so much bigger than these unknowns.  We know that He has called us to be a part of a greater story than ourselves, and we are excited to surrender to this call fully.  Unknowns and all.

The last couple of weeks of our journey have been exciting.  The approval of our home study, preparing for immigration, and starting to feel like we are close to being matched with our daughter.  God has born her into our hearts.  We think of her with an affection and love that can only be knit together by the Author of such love.  We are thankful that God has said, "follow Me"... into the life of an orphan, into a world unknown, into My design for your family.  We are so thankful that our family has been called, and we are confident that this road will be filled with watching His amazing work effectual in the hearts of our family, our daughter, and others on this journey with us.  He is writing the story...He is knitting our hearts together as a family...and He has promised to be with us through it all.  We will follow You, Abba Father.

Our adoption journey begins...

We are excited to announce that we are "expecting"... however, this pregnancy is going to look a little different than the first two.  Instead of my tummy growing, another woman's will.  And this birth mother carries a gift that God is seeing fit to bestow to our family.  We are thankful for this woman, we are praying for her heart to know the love of God and to be redeemed by the power of Jesus through the midst of the pain involving pregnancy, childbirth, and relinquishing her daughter.  And as she loves this child by carrying her for many months in her womb, our hearts will continue to grow in love for her and the daughter God is giving us.  For reasons unknown to Ben and I, these beloved birth parents are unable to provide the home that this little girl needs.  God is growing in us a heart to provide her this home, and to be her family.  Her parents made the loving choice of adoption, and we are blessed to have been chosen to be a part of God's plan of redemption in the midst of this broken family.

So many of you are probably thinking, "Let's back up a minute.  Tell us how you arrived here.  Share how God has brought you to a place that seems, well, so different."  We can't wait to share.  It has taken everything within us to patiently wait for God's timing to express the incredible work of the heart He has done in our family to bring us into His plan for adoption.  We are honored to get to process this journey with you all through what may seem at times as ramblings and jumbled thoughts on a screen.  We know this will be such a huge part of us working through the joys and the sufferings involved in this calling as well.

The call to adopt.  We didn't go seeking it out.  We didn't know how, when, where...  We knew in our hearts that God was calling us to a life of redeeming those who are lost, alone, and in hard places.  Those who haven't experienced love in a practical, tangible way.  Those who do not have a family.  He was calling us to the orphan.  And yet He calls everyone so differently.  In His Word, He tells us that "religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction." (James 1:27a)  And so we have known that He is calling us, and what that looks like has remained a mystery for many years.  Until now.

At the beginning of April 2013, God began to water the seeds He had planted many years ago in our hearts.  For many months, we were holding tightly to the desire to have more biological children.  And yet a still small voice spoke a deeper desire into our hearts within a few weeks of each other.  Through prayer, time in God's Word, counsel, worship, and intense times of solitude and silence...we knew.  His plan was unfolding before our very eyes, whether we were comfortable with it or not.  His plan for a child, a fatherless soul who He longs to redeem out of tragedy and loss.  He spoke to us and shared His will for the next step He has for our family to take.  To adopt a waiting child from China in need of a loving place to call home.  He wrote this into the plan for our family before one of our days came to be.  In Psalm 139:13-16, we read, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."  This scripture brings incredible peace into the heart of the adoptive parent as well as the one being adopted.  The days that we have on this earth were formed for us by God.  His storyline of redemption in all of our lives includes the loss and suffering involved with adoption.  This is His cup for our daughter and this is also His cup for us.  Our story collectively.

As we begin to share this incredible journey after tackling mountains of paperwork and nearing the completion of our home study, we rest in the truth that this is His plan for our family.  We couldn't have chosen a better life if we had tried.  "Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well"...  Wonderful are His works of bringing together a family from broken places, creating a family from different origins.  This is how He rescued us, and He will continue to do a wonderful work rescuing our daughter as well as our entire family through His adoptive love that is the foundation beneath our adoptive love.